 | Straight to the point. I was married (legally still am) for 13 years
to a woman that for the most part was a good person. We found out the
hard way that we were nothing more than good friends. The spark,
intimacy, etc., left long ago. Anyway, about two and a half years ago,
I started seeing another person. At that time, I was in serious need
of change. The person I began seeing was at that time married too, but
is now divorced. So as it was, we began seeing eachother exclusively
or so I thought. Later I found out that she had been with at least one
other person three times and had at least two (maybe more) "online"
relationships going at the same time. This was all in the first six
weeks of us being "exclusive" to eachother. I was an idiot thinking
that this woman was seeing only me. Needless to say I got my freaking
heart crushed when I found out. Of course her REASON was, I was still
married and she didn't know if I was going "home" and being with my
wife. I NEVER thought that of her... banging her then hubby, after I
dropped her off. And yes I know I was married at the time, so you're
saying so what, right? Well the "wife" didn't have much interest
either way. After seven years of TRYING, I finally told her if things,
something, anything didn't change, that I may start looking for someone
else. Her reply, "I know". Green light to me. So here I am. The
"marriage" will officially be legally over in a few months or so.
We've already worked through everything and we both agree and feel that
it is a very good decision for both of us. We're better friends now,
than before all of this. And of course I'm with a person that I can't
trust and I'm constantly finding myself in a rage over the hurt. It's
like it won't go away. She accuses me of not being truthful with her,
wanting someone else, etc., etc., etc. We fight and argue more often
than not now adays. Before her el-fling-o with the other MAN, I was
MADLY falling for her. Why I stayed with her I'll NEVER EVER
understand. I've never tolerated anyone lieing, hurting and
disrespecting me like she did. The reason I'm writing this is because
I'm hoping someone out there can help me understand what I need to do
in order to resolve this. I don't want to lose this person, but I feel
it happening. We've grown so far apart. Neither of us trust
eachother. I still hurt. I'm still insecure, and she is too. And
both of us together being this way is tearing us apart. I have NEVER
felt what I felt for her, with anyone else. I get so damn mad at her
for ruining what we had. All for more fucking MAN. Like I wasn't good
enough. Like I didn't f*cking matter. Like I didn't have a heart.
Like I had no feelings. Like I would ENJOY knowing she let another man
f*ck her twice (that I know of). She told me she loved me. That I was
special. All I was, was "specially stupid" for believing in her.
There were many more lies to come. More blows to the gut and
happiness. And now, I can't stand it. Evreything points back to those
black days and I have TRIED so HARD to let go of it. Why can't I? Am
I wasting my time? Is this how it's always going to be? My soon-to-be
ex-wife is moving along and has even started dating now. I'm very
happy for her. But yet, jealous because it seems like everyone I know
is happy and moving forward and I'm stuck in this constant struggle
trying not to do something stupid to myself. I know no one will
probably respond to this, and that's okay. But if there is anyone that
can shed light on me, this, whatever, it would be so kind. I just
don't understand why I had a wife that didn't really care enough, and
now I have someone who says she loves me, but showed different right up
front and stayed that way for over the first year, with lots of deceit.
Joy to the world people. What does it take to find true love these
days? Good luck in your relationships. Hope yours goes better than
mine has.
Blogger 1776 (over and OUT)
|
|
