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 | | From: | missthang | | Subject: | committment | | Date: | 29 Nov 2004 00:00:38 -0800 |
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 | My bf and I had a conversation about a month ago about marriage and
proposals. He said that more women should propose. Well, I took that
and decided to go buy a ring. I was not really going to propose
necessarily, just give it to him and see if he took it, kind of a test
of his commitment to me and to our relationship. Well,needless to say,
it back fired on me. I left it out in sight, and to find out he has
actually had it out of the box and tried it on.
The issue here is that he told me about a week ago that he would wear
it on his right hand, and if he did not want to be bothered or
whatever when he went out, he would put it on his left hand. Then he
said that eventually some day he would then move it to his left hand
permanently! This made me feel great! I mean it was at least a step in
the right direction.
A couple of nights before we had a really awful fight. He wanted to
end it between us again, claiming that it has all just been a game,
and he did not care about me. He said he was going to move out the
next day. I finally just went to sleep. When I woke up the next day, I
was really quiet and did not speak to him. He finally came up to me
that evening and gently grabbed my face and kissed me softly, saying
you know I really do love you right? I looked at him and said do you
really? He said yes, you are dumb if you do not already know that. I
was confused needless to say. And then him saying he would wear the
ring.
Well then last night, he said I should just take it back. He said just
the thought of it makes him sick to his stomach. I said gee thanks, he
said it was nothing against me, he just could not do it. He said he
does not know why he has such a problem with commitment, but he does.
And the older he gets (he is 29), the more he hates it! That is not a
good sign for me. I am 26 so my clock is a ticking away ya know? He
went out with his buddies last night. He was supposedc to just be
playing poker, but I knew better. He got dressed up like he would to
go to the bar. I knew that is where they would end up! Sure enough, I
called him about 11:30 or so, he said he was going to have a few more
beers and would be home shortly. Well he came in around 2AM! I was a
little irritate by that, so I kind of gave him the cold shoulder. But
that was not the real issue. I have to wonder how many numbers he got
last night! I cannot check his cell because he locked it and I do not
know the passcode! Anyway, my thing is that he said before bed that I
really am bothered by this ring thing and he knows it. We talked a
little about it and went to sleep. I have not told him how hurt I am
that he said he would wear it and someday on his left hand for good
and now he wants nothing to do with it. I have been down all day and
he picked up on it. I just told him that I feel bad about the whole
thing and never should have bought it. He said I should not worry
about it, whatever. If I cannot get my money back, I am stuck with a
$400 ring! I need to know what to do. How can I get him to get over
his fear of committment and this whole thing of that he loves to be
alone, how do I make him realize we are right together and not to be
afraid of me and a future together? Help please! I love him and feel
he is the one, just need him to come around is all!
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| | From: | blowmyfuse | | Subject: | Re: committment | | Date: | 30 Nov 2004 09:03:55 -0800 |
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| I'm sorry to say you have a very inmature boyfriend on your hands. He
is not ready and by his actions he won't be for sometime. Make the
hard decision and move on. Don't let yourself be hurt anymore!
missthang02u@gmail.com (missthang) wrote in message news:...
> My bf and I had a conversation about a month ago about marriage and
> proposals. He said that more women should propose. Well, I took that
> and decided to go buy a ring. I was not really going to propose
> necessarily, just give it to him and see if he took it, kind of a test
> of his commitment to me and to our relationship. Well,needless to say,
> it back fired on me. I left it out in sight, and to find out he has
> actually had it out of the box and tried it on.
> The issue here is that he told me about a week ago that he would wear
> it on his right hand, and if he did not want to be bothered or
> whatever when he went out, he would put it on his left hand. Then he
> said that eventually some day he would then move it to his left hand
> permanently! This made me feel great! I mean it was at least a step in
> the right direction.
> A couple of nights before we had a really awful fight. He wanted to
> end it between us again, claiming that it has all just been a game,
> and he did not care about me. He said he was going to move out the
> next day. I finally just went to sleep. When I woke up the next day, I
> was really quiet and did not speak to him. He finally came up to me
> that evening and gently grabbed my face and kissed me softly, saying
> you know I really do love you right? I looked at him and said do you
> really? He said yes, you are dumb if you do not already know that. I
> was confused needless to say. And then him saying he would wear the
> ring.
>
> Well then last night, he said I should just take it back. He said just
> the thought of it makes him sick to his stomach. I said gee thanks, he
> said it was nothing against me, he just could not do it. He said he
> does not know why he has such a problem with commitment, but he does.
> And the older he gets (he is 29), the more he hates it! That is not a
> good sign for me. I am 26 so my clock is a ticking away ya know? He
> went out with his buddies last night. He was supposedc to just be
> playing poker, but I knew better. He got dressed up like he would to
> go to the bar. I knew that is where they would end up! Sure enough, I
> called him about 11:30 or so, he said he was going to have a few more
> beers and would be home shortly. Well he came in around 2AM! I was a
> little irritate by that, so I kind of gave him the cold shoulder. But
> that was not the real issue. I have to wonder how many numbers he got
> last night! I cannot check his cell because he locked it and I do not
> know the passcode! Anyway, my thing is that he said before bed that I
> really am bothered by this ring thing and he knows it. We talked a
> little about it and went to sleep. I have not told him how hurt I am
> that he said he would wear it and someday on his left hand for good
> and now he wants nothing to do with it. I have been down all day and
> he picked up on it. I just told him that I feel bad about the whole
> thing and never should have bought it. He said I should not worry
> about it, whatever. If I cannot get my money back, I am stuck with a
> $400 ring! I need to know what to do. How can I get him to get over
> his fear of committment and this whole thing of that he loves to be
> alone, how do I make him realize we are right together and not to be
> afraid of me and a future together? Help please! I love him and feel
> he is the one, just need him to come around is all!
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| | From: | missthang | | Subject: | Re: committment | | Date: | 4 Dec 2004 23:55:54 -0800 |
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| Thanks for the advice. Unfortunately, I know this, but somehow have
not been able to convince myself to do something about it, like
letting him go when he acts like an ahole! But I am getting closer
with every yo yo move he continues to pull, it just takes some people
a little longer than others I guess. Either I will wake up and move on
or he will finally wake up and come around and realize what I really
mean to him and I am the best thing to ever happen to him. Hopefully
whatever happens does so before it is too late. Love is painful and
foolish and selfish, yet as humans we all need it and give all for it.
blowmyfuse@rock.com (blowmyfuse) wrote in message news:<43b54959.0411300903.1a39cdef@posting.google.com>...
> I'm sorry to say you have a very inmature boyfriend on your hands. He
> is not ready and by his actions he won't be for sometime. Make the
> hard decision and move on. Don't let yourself be hurt anymore!
>
>
> missthang02u@gmail.com (missthang) wrote in message news:...
> > My bf and I had a conversation about a month ago about marriage and
> > proposals. He said that more women should propose. Well, I took that
> > and decided to go buy a ring. I was not really going to propose
> > necessarily, just give it to him and see if he took it, kind of a test
> > of his commitment to me and to our relationship. Well,needless to say,
> > it back fired on me. I left it out in sight, and to find out he has
> > actually had it out of the box and tried it on.
> > The issue here is that he told me about a week ago that he would wear
> > it on his right hand, and if he did not want to be bothered or
> > whatever when he went out, he would put it on his left hand. Then he
> > said that eventually some day he would then move it to his left hand
> > permanently! This made me feel great! I mean it was at least a step in
> > the right direction.
> > A couple of nights before we had a really awful fight. He wanted to
> > end it between us again, claiming that it has all just been a game,
> > and he did not care about me. He said he was going to move out the
> > next day. I finally just went to sleep. When I woke up the next day, I
> > was really quiet and did not speak to him. He finally came up to me
> > that evening and gently grabbed my face and kissed me softly, saying
> > you know I really do love you right? I looked at him and said do you
> > really? He said yes, you are dumb if you do not already know that. I
> > was confused needless to say. And then him saying he would wear the
> > ring.
> >
> > Well then last night, he said I should just take it back. He said just
> > the thought of it makes him sick to his stomach. I said gee thanks, he
> > said it was nothing against me, he just could not do it. He said he
> > does not know why he has such a problem with commitment, but he does.
> > And the older he gets (he is 29), the more he hates it! That is not a
> > good sign for me. I am 26 so my clock is a ticking away ya know? He
> > went out with his buddies last night. He was supposedc to just be
> > playing poker, but I knew better. He got dressed up like he would to
> > go to the bar. I knew that is where they would end up! Sure enough, I
> > called him about 11:30 or so, he said he was going to have a few more
> > beers and would be home shortly. Well he came in around 2AM! I was a
> > little irritate by that, so I kind of gave him the cold shoulder. But
> > that was not the real issue. I have to wonder how many numbers he got
> > last night! I cannot check his cell because he locked it and I do not
> > know the passcode! Anyway, my thing is that he said before bed that I
> > really am bothered by this ring thing and he knows it. We talked a
> > little about it and went to sleep. I have not told him how hurt I am
> > that he said he would wear it and someday on his left hand for good
> > and now he wants nothing to do with it. I have been down all day and
> > he picked up on it. I just told him that I feel bad about the whole
> > thing and never should have bought it. He said I should not worry
> > about it, whatever. If I cannot get my money back, I am stuck with a
> > $400 ring! I need to know what to do. How can I get him to get over
> > his fear of committment and this whole thing of that he loves to be
> > alone, how do I make him realize we are right together and not to be
> > afraid of me and a future together? Help please! I love him and feel
> > he is the one, just need him to come around is all!
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